Never News: let me Count the ways
[It feels like you've been searching for hours. Walking these labyrinthine halls with nothing but a candelabra lighting your way, it's hard to know where you are, or where you're going. Another hallway flanked by heavy, locked doors, your feet hardly making any sound as they pad along the lush, red carpet. Your only companions are the somber eyes of the portraits on the wall, following you as you make your way through the dark toward that haunting sound.
Yes, perhaps it was the music that first woke you, the faintest glimmer of some mournful instrument calling you up and out of bed. And now it grows louder, behind one of these doors. But where?
You turn the corner and find a dead-end. Behind a pair of elaborate oak doors, the music is louder than ever; this has to be it.
With one hand you swing one of the doors open.
Inside, a hall of mirrors blazing with thousands of lit, red candles. There, at the back of the room, a figure in black plays an enormous organ, its pipes brilliant in the glow as they reach far, far up, nearly touching the ceiling.
You take a step inside, then another. Gazing around the room, you can clearly see your reflection as you inch further inside. But the figure playing the organ has no reflection; the keys appear to play themselves. You creep closer still. With every step, you begin to catch the scent of something metallic and damp, something...animal. Wet earth? Dead leaves? ...Blood?
A floorboard creaks underfoot.
Suddenly, the music stops.
You're frozen mere feet away from the organ player, too terrified to move, or run, or scream. Why did you come here in the first place? What could await you but something horrifying and strange? But it's too late to wonder. Slowly, the figure turns, achingly slow, to face you...]
HELLO MY LITTLE GHOULIES!!! It's me, Producer Georgia – PG for short. It's October, which means that I do this now at the beginning of the newsletter. Indulge me, won't you? Halloween comes but once a year.
Now, it's time for the news. Let's get into it!
THE NEW YORKER: In defense of listicles
This piece feels like the perfect companion to the recent Team Chat we released to NP members, "Explain Explainers," where we attempt to codify and understand the prevalence of explainers as an internet phenomenon (which, psst, go to neverpo.st and click "become a member" to listen!). In this piece from The New Yorker, the listicle becomes the focus of a similar curiosity. Our human search for hierarchy and categorization might have led us to a basic interest in making lists (your "best of" lists, especially), but online, the listicle took on a different form. Buzzfeed's list of "20 Things That Will Make You Say NOOOOOOO!" has no hierarchy. It in fact has really no structure other than being a list of...stuff. And in an online landscape increasingly full of stuff, a list - even a list that kind of has no narrative arc beyond "NOOO!" - feels nice.
This piece does a very interesting job then applying this desire onto what the author feels is the more modern equivalent: the algorithm, and its satisfying sense of order where none might actually exist. This piece also comes on the heels of the much-debated Best T.V. Shows Of The Century piece that NYT just released; there's much worth saying about how listicles have also turned into one of the most surefire ways of generating discourse (read: attention and therefore money) online.
ITSNICETHAT: Wikipedia's amazing design history
Among the very fun, very interesting stuff written/made online about Wikipedia, I don't often see anything written about the way the website is designed, let alone the history of its design language. And maybe that's the point - as this article explains, the design of Wikipedia kind of shouldn't feel like it exists at all. When your website is meant to be accessible to every single person, then it needs to look pretty egalitarian; which is to say...unassuming. But, as it turns out, the history of Wikipedia's design is incredible, fascinating stuff, and full of very unexpected twists and turns (including characters named Wikipe-tan and Commons-tan). It also has an entire section about Depths of Wikipedia, ran by friend of the show Annie Rauwerda!
And reading this, it makes sense to me that this site has such a rich visual history; it's a brand I regularly see turned into what I can only describe as hypebeast wear, and the only version of this style of clothing that I very genuinely would buy (if it wasn't so damn expensive!). It's just so fun to dive deeper into this world of design and to learn another reason why Wikipedia really is one of our Great Websites that exist on the blasted wasteland of the modern-day internet.
THE CUT: on the perils of celebrity podcast guests
This is a quick bite of an article, meant to give you the basic info on the latest foot-in-mouth celebrity moment in which an A-lister praises AI to the fury of everyone else. But - bear with me here - I think there's something more worth thinking about. This time, the depressingly optimistic, starry-eyed AI supporter is Kelly Clarkson, who went on the podcast Las Culturistas to talk...mostly about how much she loves AI. I listened to the whole thing, and throughout the episode, she comments about how much she devotes her time to "her lover" ChatGPT, and then used the show's "I don't think so honey" segment to rail against people who are too "black-and-white" about the creative usefulness of AI tools. Enough has been said against Clarkson and her ironic and (in my opinion) extremely naïve feelings about AI, including this article. But I haven't seen much ink spilled actually examining this episode, this podcast, and what this means about chat shows.
In this episode, Bowen and Matt do nothing to push against her points; if anything, they "yes, and" her, joking and ribbing about Tilly Norwood in a way that was all fluff, no friction. This is a marked change from the way the show used to be, and unsurprisingly, this change has come as the show dedicates more of its time to celebrity guests. An earlier episode of the show with guest Tina Fey served as the canary in the coal mine, in which she used her "I don't think so honey" segment to warn Matt and Bowen that they've become too famous to be critical of anyone or anything anymore. Time has proven her very right. The current state of Las Culturistas is a perfect example of how a chat show that once did genuinely have some interesting takes about culture has now, through the onslaught of celebrity guests, become completely defanged. And I think it's also, then, a good example of how all of these chat shows that are either hosted by celebrities or regularly feature celebrities become flat, PR-ified husks. Chat podcasts are so full of these smooth, conflict-free conversations that say nothing, mean nothing, and leave us as listeners (or for the bizarre few, viewers) with nothing more than the satisfaction that an hour has passed without us having to be alone with our thoughts. It's another kind of slop. But I think this episode with Kelly's pro-AI monologue shows us that we kind of can't pretend this is all just fun and games. Or that at least, we shouldn't.
That marks the end of this ookily spookily installment of Never News. You'll be shocked to hear that I am hosting three separate Halloween events this month with unique costumes for each. No wonder I'm the shell of myself come November 1st. It's all worth it!
For now, enjoy the season, enjoy the month, and have a fun sized candy bar on me. Smoochies!